Still Listening

Still Listening

“They don’t know what it’s like to love one band,

one silly piece of music so much it hurts.” – Almost Famous

Sometimes I find it hard to believe they exist. I temporarily forget about the hours of love I’ve put into this band. I forget about how A Song To Sing was the first song I listened to when I got This Time Around. I forget that Underneath reminds me of developing photos in the dark toom at Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts.

It’s nights like last night when I am going to see them as if it’s a regular occurrence that gets me. Nights when I stand there and it’s all so surreal. Instead of feeling the anticipation, I am confused because this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to be instant friends and sing alongs in line. It’s supposed to be hours of excitement, necks craned to sneak a glance and endless wonderment. It’s supposed to be a group of my friends who know all the words, not me and my own doubt to memorize the new album.

The shows start off surreal in an odd mixture of familiarity and something else all together. Just before Isaac, Taylor and Zac appear, my excitement is at its highest. The moment the music begins to play I’ve forgotten how to breathe, I can’t stop smiling and the beat takes over. Everything comes rushing back in the form of cords and piano keys. I am at home, where I’m supposed to be.

I used to be so proud to shout it out, tell others that Hanson is my favourite band. I was happy and defensive, stubborn when I tried to convince you of their worth. Now I find myself trying to avoid announcing it to the work crew that Hanson is who I am going to see. It’s not that I’ve stopped caring, it’s that I’ve realized that no one else does. I can go without a round of co-workers singing Mmmbop terribly (and with the wrong words). This makes me feel like I’m harbouring a secret, indulging in a guilty pleasure, but it isn’t that at all.

It’s that Hanson is so ingrained in who I am, I don’t need to explain it to anyone else because they will not get it, even if I want them to. To them, Mmmbop it a long forgotten one hit wonder by boys who don’t exist anymore. It doesn’t matter though, because I’m still listening and that’s all that really does matter.

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One thought on “Still Listening

  1. Pingback: To Fifteen Years | Melanie.Kristy

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