Sometimes I find myself talking inside my head, having a conversation as a way to explain me or who I am or why I am this way. It tends to happen when I’m around newer people, like I’m figuring out how to explain myself to them, or if something out of the ordinary comes up.
You see, I’m not really good at putting something into words if it’s unexpected. I tend to freeze up and shrug a lot. Whatever.
So lately I’ve been having this conversation with myself, trying to figure out why exactly it is that I don’t really trust people to stick around. It could be because of that guy who kissed me and never responded to my messages after that. Or that guy who only seemed interested in more than what I was willing to offer at the moment.
But really it all came down to this one thing that happened in 7th grade. Something that sort of ruined me forever (over dramatic pause), something that when I tried to explain to myself in my head as if I was telling someone else the story I made my own eyes roll. It’s 7th grade nonsense, nothing that I need to mention in here, but something that effected me so deeply that fifteen years later my subconscious is still using that as my excuse as to why I don’t trust people to stick around, I’m not sure if people really like me for what I am or if they’re going to turn on me any second, be made because “you know why I’m mad” and just ruin things.
And then this voice in my head sort of laughed at me. It told me to just let that go. Why am I holding onto something from that long ago, a situation that doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s just the memory of hurt.
It’s like I can’t allow myself to just be open and see what happens. I’m constantly locking my emotions in a cage. Just in case.
To be honest, I’m rather confident in my current friendships. All of the friends I’ve had, they’ve been around for years. And your real friends will come back to you. Even after a stint with a lousy boyfriend, some time in a hospital, or whatever happened. It just takes one weekend of concerts to make you remember. One idea to write a vampire novel.
And sometimes there are people who come into your life who aren’t meant to be there for a whole long time. You can spend the later years wishing for the time back, or you can look forward and smile at strangers. Everything is momentary.
I didn’t want to bring “those boys” into this (see below), but it’s important to my story because it’s one of the first songs I ever really really connected with.
Hold on to the ones who really care. In the end they’ll be the only ones there.
(This version is ten years later. And acoustic. )
“The song is about holding on to the things that matter, and ultimately the people that matter. So thank you guys. This is a song for all of us.”
What middle school issues are you holding on to that you need to let go of?
Here’s a brand new series I’m starting right this moment. It’s designed to inspire and connect and branch out and discover. It’s about curiosity and adventure, taking time for yourself and love.
What is it, you ask? It’s along the ideas of a scavenger hunt, documentation in photographs (that you must take yourself out in the real world, not Google or look up on We Heart It)
So each week I’ll post five things that must be photographed. They might be objects or concepts, and you can do what you please with them.
The next week, I’ll post the last week’s Quest, my photographs and the new weeks challenge. Feel free to leave your photographs in the comments or in your blog and link it back here.
Here’s your first official Quest:
* something blue
* something that represents Winter or February
* some sort of living plant/ greenness
* A guilty pleasure
* A fire hydrant
Got it? Awesome!
Don’t forget to enter my giveaway. You have until tomorrow evening.
How would you like to win a package with some Lush goodies, note cards and a handful of Zines I’ve collected? It’s the perfect way to smell good, keep letter writing alive and read the hard version of what came before blogs.
All you have to do is leave a comment in this post (be sure to include your email address) letting me know you want to win. For extra entries, follow me on Twitter and tweet about the giveaway or post about it in your blog (then let me know you did so in the comments here). Winners will be chose next Thursday.
Also, Halley from Life of Something New awarded MelanieKristy The Versatile Blogger Award and I am so honoured! Thank you Halley! And hello to any new readers who wandered over from Halley’s blog. It’s great to meet you!
* I’m on a hunt for the best public places to write. I frequent coffee shops because I feel like I should be drinking someone while I’m writing
* My iPhone case is Hello Kitty
* My favorite countdown is always the one until the first day of spring (46 days)
* I’m not opposed to trying weird foods/ combinations (except weird meats) this includes putting cayenne pepper in a mango smoothie, ordering escargot rangoon (ok, that’s a weird meat) and mixing dry oatmeal into my yogurt.
* My favorite Disney movie in the Lion King, but Peter Pan and all of the fairy tales are close behind. My newest favorite is Tangled.
Ashley Lorelle – is a writer who is currently working as a Nursery Specialist at Lowes. She writes about her life, writing and most recently house plants.
The Good Groupie – is the girl who’s always going to shows, scoping out new music and writing about it. But she isn’t sleeping with the band. She is not what you might consider a band-aid.
I may not have posted much in January, but a lot has been going on inside my head. I’ve been crafting ideas to share, thinking about doing a blog overhaul, contemplating my financial situation and more importantly I’ve been doing a lot of self work. I’ve been spending even more time alone. I’ve been filling the pages of my Pisa journal, writing a fairy tale short story and working on becoming.
A lot of times it feels like days are dragging, but the weeks go by so fast.
Things I’m looking forward to in February:
Starting a new journal
Finding some awesome dance DVDs
Doing spring cleaning early (and finishing before spring!)
Things you can look forward to here o this blog:
Wanderlust posts on travel
Songs that mean the world to me
A random giveaway
Discover different fiction
How to be Your Own Valentine
What are you looking forward to in February?
I’m alive I swear. I’ve been lurking beneath piles of tissues, reading possibly life changing books and making friends with the shadows. In the mean time, if you miss me, you can wander over to my attempt at a Tumblr, my self-love work of the sorts. It’s my attempt at sticking with Gala Darling’s Radical Self Love and writing from that place deep inside. It’s also a love letter to myself and everyone else who wants to share the love. I’ve also been lurking around Twitter, and waiting on a transcript so I can apply to library school. I’ve also been spending a lot of time fighting with my tonsils and throat and sinuses. And I’ve been applying liberal amounts of lotion. And Googling exactly what I need to eat to have the optimum immune system I obviously do not have right now. And taking weird supplements and drinking apple cider vinegar in sugar free grape and cherry juice (it really is tasty!)
And also, being patient. I am not good at being patient.
So comment with what you’ve been up to, what you love and what links I should read. Or add me on Twitter and share your Tumblr. Let me know what you do for sore throats or consistent allergies.
One thing that I’ve learned (though it’s something that I’ve also known, sometimes you can know something and not truly know it until you learn/ feel it) is that I need to write.
In a way, it doesn’t matter what I’m writing, or why. I just need to do it. I need to crank out words onto an open screen. I need to release my secrets into Moleskine journals. I need to find pretty paper and write lovely letters. I need to stop and asses my day. I need to purge thoughts onto the screen before I can full comprehend my own feelings. I need to spread my thoughts over the Internet, risking over sharing for the option of reaching out. I need a place to stick the stories I create. I need to mold them into reality by the way of words.
In short. I need to write. There’s no way around it. Every since I was in second grade and we started writing exercises on computers, I’ve needed to write. I asked for a computer for Christmas and Santa brought a shiny new black and white MS Dos computer. At school we wrote short stories. I really feel like that was the beginning of everything. Of where I am today.
And so I come to tell you about 750 Words. I’ve made this post before, though it’s never seen the real Internet world. Every version is a little different, but still every version is a little bit closer to what I want to say.
750 Words is a website based off Julia Cameron‘s idea of “morning pages” it’s what you write before you write anything else, the brain dump that gets you going. It’s your warm up exercise to accompany your cup of tea. There are no rules for morning pages, but the point of 750 words is to write that many words per day, at least to start off. 750 words is the equivalent of three double spaced pages and it’s a canvas to your day.
You can write journal entries, brainstorm random thoughts, think up blog posts, insult your neighbour, complain about the state of the world, create an alter ego, or write fiction. You can review the movies you’ve seen and hated, wonder what the future will be like, create shopping lists, explain why you won’t be crossing things off your to-do list, write love letters to someone you haven’t met. You can do anything with words and a blank space. It’s yours for the taking.
Fun things about 750 Words include: random badges when you’ve completed 750 words for days at a time, pie charts to tell you how emotional/ positive/ etc. your writing has been, and graphs to show how fast you wrote and how many times you were distracted for three or more minutes at a time. If you sign up, you can elect to get a daily e-mail reminder to write your words.
Over the past few months I’ve been slacking with writing my 750 words daily. I’ve put all of my focus into writing my novel and then, at the end of November, burning out and just taking too much time off. I’ve managed to not write blog posts, forget about journaling and ignore words that weren’t already published (I mean, I read five books last week. I guess that’s kind of a lot…). I plan on using 750 Words to bring me back into the world of blogging, to remind me to finish my novel and to let my writing take over like it wants to most of the time.
So if you’re a writer of sorts, or if you like to make epically long lists or if you’re looking for something to complain to, I suggest checking out 750 Words. The daily e-mail reminders are great, just because they are one more thing to talk you out of keeping lazy. If you’re a wanna be writer, now is the perfect time to stare at the blank white screen like the rest of us.
There’s one thing that I always remember about my freshman year fiction writing class. You have to show up in order for the writing to. My professor taught us that discipline is what brings on inspiration. Sitting down to write every single day, especially if it’s in the same place at the same time, trains your brain to think writerly things. It makes it so you are able to write, even if you think you can’t. And it also means that if you want to be a writer, you can be a writer. You just have to show up and do the work. And you’ll keep learning along the way. It may not mean that you’re going to be published or that you can make a living off your words, but that’s not the point in writing, anyway.
The point is something you’ll have to figure out on your own.
It’s been a while, guys, I realize. I’ve been scatter brained and just plain scattered but I’m closer to getting everything together. I’m planning on working on a consistent posting schedule Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday Seven posts and the occasional song on Sundays. So tomorrow Melanie Kristy will return to some sort of consistency, but in the mean time here’s a list of things I enjoy about airports.
* Random restaurant choices (in Detroit there’s a peanut butter sandwich stand)
* Looking in the stores for magazines and souvenirs that are sometimes nicer an cheaper than the ones you find in the city.
* Cute boys with glasses wearing green argyle sweaters (and then end up sitting next to me on the plane. But I’m too shy/ awkward/ self conscious, etc. to say or do anything aside from turning on his overhead light).
* There are electric outlets all around (as opposed to here in Barnes & Noble where I had to sit with a draining battery for twenty minutes until there was a seat free near an outlet).
* Free wifi? I think. There is in Memphis at least.
* The people. I love to see how they dress, how many carry-ons they have, etc.
* Tears, hugs, reunions, goodbyes
*Drivers holding the last name of the person on a sign (do they still do that?). Update: I totally saw one person with a hand written sign when I was leaving last night.
* The opportunity to upgrade to first class is always there. I never feel like dropping the cash, but I like that it’s possible (and someday I’d like to fly first class).
So what about you, do you have any particular feelings about airports, or maybe I’m just a strange one?
So, I overwhelm myself very often. There are things I wish I had accomplished that I should have started five years ago. I look back on this and get frustrated. Then I make a list of all the things I want to do or have done or be in the process of doing and… I get overwhelmed. There’s so much to do! Some of these things are SO hard! They require discipline. They require consistency. I feel like I don’t even know what these words mean.
If you can empathize with anything I’ve said up there, or if you’re just looking to stop fearing (!!) the blog world so you can start your own, this is the place to be.
1. Make a list of what it is you want to do. This is more for if you want to do more than just create a blog. This is in case you want to lose a hundred pounds, write an entire novel, create a successful blog and start training for a 5k.
2. Separate each goal and write out steps that you think you need to take in order to achieve this goal.
To start a blog:
* Need a name
* Choose a client. I use WordPress. You can also use Blogger or Tumblr or whatever else you choose
* Think about what you might want to write about. This doesn’t have to be a definite thing, you can figure it out as you go along. Or you can narrow it down right this minute.
*Write entries. What kinds of entries are you going to have?
* Publish entries. Decide if you’re going to publish on a consistent basis. Try to do that.
* Advertise somehow. I publish my blog posts on Twitter and Facebook.
* Comment on blogs so that bloggers can become familiar with you and your url.
3. Are you overwhelmed yet? I sort of am, an I’ve already done most of those steps. So once you’ve figured out what you think you need to do, at least the basics, get started.
4. Think: What is it that I can do TODAY. And do that today. (Write a blog post? E-mail a blogger whose posts you enjoy? Ask for some guest posts?)
5. Think: What is it that I can do TOMORROW. And the NEXT DAY. And do those things.
6. Don’t give up if the progress is slow. (Only give up if you decide that you hate what you’re doing. Though it’s okay to hate your blog every once in a while. If, over all, you love it, then don’t give up. Keep on writing.)
Remember: Blogging (and probably anything else you want to do) is hard work. You have to be willing to do the hard work, whether or not you really want to. If you get bored, find more ways to spice things up. In a year, you’ll be proud of yourself for publishing your 200th blog post.
7. Something else to keep you going: write about it. Blog about your blogging experiences, write in a blog about how you are learning to lose weight, make candy, eat your weight in cheese, etc. It’s nice to be held accountable somewhere, even if it’s just via Facebook statuses.
What do you do to get things done?